1) Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest
in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black
screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
2) 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
3) Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity, and
then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
4) Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through
doors.
5) The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever
recorded in human history.
6) Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
7) Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
8) When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk
gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
9) Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six
of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure
gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was
killed in the pilot episode.
10) Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can
triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains
can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
11) Mr. T can count past infinity
12) If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there
would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of
the Sun.
13) The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchphrase
"We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of
his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
14) Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead
mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T
wants.
15) Small animals find Mr. T irresistible and can be found playing in his
mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."
16) Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't
take up much room.
17) Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only
after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be
Gary Coleman and Webster.
18) When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.
19) Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you
can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop
that crazy fool.
20) When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.
21) Mr. T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive,
it's because Mr. T loves you.
22) Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
23) Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big
Bang.
24) A local area teen once tried to persuade Mr. T into buying Dub Spinners
for the A-Team Van. He proceeded to smash the teen through one of the
spinners, double dip his body in gravy, and ate every last piece. Moral to
the story: Mr. T Loves Gravy
25) Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.
26) Mr. T does not play the guitar, but he will bash your face in with one.
27) Mr. T was actually named after his very rare blood type that proves he
is genetically capable of ripping a man's arms out of his sockets.
T-positive.
28) If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and
roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.
29) World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12
minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
30) Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded
the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T
overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well
the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van
using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.